I actually really like the song Pachebell's Cannon, but I thought this was really funny. :)
December 25, 2006
December 23, 2006
I think this rivals the time I cut myself on an Oh Henry! wrapper.
December 3, 2006
December 1, 2006
When my brother and I were little, we played a lot of video games together, and really, we still do. One of our favourites for a long time was Creatures 1. Did anyone ever play Creatures? Every once in a while it crosses my mind and I remember how much fun I had with that. I remember my dad got a laptop back when he was in the Port Colborne house and I put Creatures 1 on there. Everyone was watching a movie in the spare bedroom and I had the laptop in there with me. My Norns were all breeding like crazy and there were tons of babies everywhere... I have no idea why I remember that.
Creatures 2 was my favourite, though. Erik loved to throw them into the splicer and make crazy combinations of Norns. I downloaded Mernorns once and they became my favourite. I downloaded a COB that flooded the volcano room so that had more room to live in. Angel Norns were fun, too, but they were a handful.
Creatures 3 was alright, but I didn't like it nearly as much as Creatures 2.
My brother had a norn once named Trendle in Creatures 1 that became both of our favourites. He had the white hair and the green stripes on his arms. I'm not really sure where the name came from, or why he was so great. We even imported him into Creatures 2.
Erik sent me that picture over MSN and said, "Remember Trendle?" We talked about how much that game rocked. Good memories. :)
November 26, 2006
November 20, 2006
Dear Science Drop-In Secretary,
You are a SECRATERY. Stop turning me away when I want to come in and talk to the counsellor. You're NOT the COUNSELLOR. I'm getting really mad at you. Stop being psychotic and let me talk to someone who knows what's going on!!
I'm about to send an e-mail to the counsellor because I have no other way to get in contact with her. (Out of the three times that I've tried to go talk to the counsellor, I've been turned away twice by this crazy secretary.) All I wanted to do was have someone explain to me how the sectioning for next semester works...
October 30, 2006
I just got back from talking to an academic counsellor. I'm dropping physics and chemistry this semester, so now I need two extra classes next semester. Should I take two environmental sciences, or one envrionmental science and a psychology class? Hmm! But basically, I'm going into computer science. I feel so, so much better to have this worked out. I just need to take the final step - log into SOLAR, then drop and add.
I'll only have three classes this semester... weird... I kind of don't like it. I'd rather be more busy.
There's a high chance of me going to the dark side and becomming a software engineer next year. Although, I'd have to take another first year, but that's not too much of a big deal. I'd also have to get new friends because I'd be stoned to death if they found out I had friends in science... I love you all. :)
October 21, 2006
And these bags under my eyes are never going to go away. Grrrr.
October 17, 2006
I can't seem to find a mark for chemistry. They have the solutions on the site, but I'd like my actual mark. I don't know if it's just me that can't find it or what. But I know I failed that too, because it went the exact same way as physics. They were both multiple choice, and none of my calculations matched any of the choices. Guessing can't get you a 50%, unfortunately.
So, I've been weeded out. I really like my astronomy class. It's something that I think I'd really love to do for work, but it just doesn't look like I can do it. I'm setting up appointments to change my major to computer science. I don't know what exactly in computer science yet... I could end up being a software engineer. Or maybe I'll get weeded out of that, too. I have research to do on that. I feel like I'm just giving up, and I don't want it to seem that way. I want it to seem like this just isn't for me... but I feel like astronomy is for me... but I can't do the things that astronomy requires...
I didn't feel like going to my math tutorial today because I haven't had time to even start the practice questions for the test next week. I forgot that we get our tests back in it today... crap. Maybe my TA would e-mail me my mark or something. I probably should've just gone.
I have an astronomy midterm tonight. I was feeling good about it, but now with the way that my midterms have been going... I don't know.
I want to pass the second midterms and the exams. This means double to work. Which requires a time machine. How the hell are you supposed to be able to do this? My mom told me that you pretty much can't, so I can't figure this out at all. I really am trying. I'm depressed and I want to sleep. I hate school.
October 5, 2006
I did get my money back that I paid for grad, but I definately feel like RCBHS owes me a proper and well-organized graduation that isn't on an effing Thursday night.
October 2, 2006
September 21, 2006
I was thinking that I would talk to the dean about getting the test I thought I had changed from the day after graduation to whenever. Turns out that I can't figure out what that test was, and now I have a physics midterm right on grad night. So there's no way I can go now. But I'm most likely getting my money back, yay. I really wish I could go, though. I really do feel like I'm missing out.
September 15, 2006
Definately planning to get a ton of sleep and catch up on everything that I feel that I need to get done. I can't wait for that sense of completion. Yay. :)
September 11, 2006
Being able to sit next to Steve and being able to talk to him is a temporary cure. But when I have to go back up to my room, alone, the homesick feeling comes back again.
It's just so much so suddenly. When does it start to get better?
September 3, 2006
Saying goodbye was depressing... I'm on my own now. Scary. My mom and Oma are coming to visit on Wednesday, though. My dad is working on the stream that goes through Cootes Paradise (which is pretty much my back yard), so I'll see him a lot.
Hmm... I'm bored and kind of cold. I hope Scarlett shows up soon so that I can at least hang out with her or something. :(
September 2, 2006
My time table is all figured out. It looks nicely balanced to me, but I guess we shall see what happens. My aunt is taking more history classes again this semester at Mac (she never really got a degree, so she's gone back to school, all the while taking care of two little kids and a husband... brave!), and we've decided to try and have lunch together every Thursday. We both have a free hour around the same time to hang out. I'm really glad she'll be there... she's cool.
I'm as neverous as anything!
August 24, 2006
So, today my mom is getting a new car. It was a by-the-way kind of conversation. The Civic has been troublesome lately, so I guess my mom has had enough. It's a 2007 Corolla LE. I haven't seen it yet, but it's AUTOMATIC. I'm just sad that there's finally a car that I'd be able to drive easily, but I'm moving out... Tear. :(
I've been going through the Mac Athletics & Recreation booklet that I got in the mail a long time ago. They have a section for Fitness, and it includes cardio and weight training type things. All three sound interesting to me. I'd really like to join the gym. I keep hearing that regular exercise is key to not killing yourself with stress in university, but I'd also like to feel better and look better. There's fitness appraisal, which is a meeting thing where they give you goals and plans and stuff. There's also personal training, and group training. Personal training might be good, but I hear that it's better just to have a trainer once every few weeks to make sure that you're doing everything properly and such. Group training might be fun, because you bring one or two friends to learn exersizes that the group can help each other with. But, it's probably not good to rely on someone to get your routine done.
Hmm. I think I'll definately join either way. There's other fun activites, too. There's ballroom dancing, and Steve's already agreed to go with me. :D
August 22, 2006
August 19, 2006
I've been feeling awkward at parties. It kind of makes me feel iffy towards going to them. It's just that everyone seems to be waiting for me to go so that everyone can drink. I guess... no one ever asked. There was that huge thing awhile ago, and from it, a million assumptions were made. You can drink while I'm there. At first I felt like no one was having fun just being what we always had been, but I guess this is part of growing up. I haven't really had a fun or exciting time with a drunk person before, so it's not like it's something I get all psyched for... I'm just indifferent. I don't drink because I haven't found anything that tastes good to me, and I just don't care that much about it. I can wait a year, it's just not important to me. The only thing that ever bothered me was a reason to drink that two people gave me. It's just such a wrong and sad reason to do it.
Part of me sees myself as an idiot, missing out on something that you all seem to have so much fun with. That part of me wants to be a "normal teenager" so badly. I want to have fun with my friends again, and not feel like such a weird outcast.
I kind of feel like I've been a hassle to have over. I'm sorry about all this. I'm a little sad that no one ever asked, but then again, I'm much more annoyed at myself for never saying anything. And I didn't know how else to say it but in writing. So... whatever. It's okay.
August 16, 2006
August 10, 2006
I've discovered a way to edit my picture nicely, so I've been doing that. I took all of my pictures off of Flickr, and I've been adding them back on. I've only been adding a few older photos that I really like, but I'm definately not putting them all back on. It's incredibly boring to do, but at the same time I feel like it has to be done... it's like I'm giving myself busywork.
August 8, 2006
August 5, 2006
I just called in sick. I couldn't tell which woman was at the other end of the line, but she wasn't particularly observant.
Me: Hi, it's Kaitlin. I have a cold, so I won't be coming in today...
Her: Oh, there's someone in already.
Me: ...Well yeah, I work 12:30 - 8:30 today. I'm just calling in ahead of time.
Her: Well, Stephanie is in already.
Me: I know, but I can't come in later.
Yeah, that went on for a bit. It turns out that they also changed my hours again without letting me know... The woman said that I was working until 9, not 8:30. I really, really hate when they do that. Would it be so hard to just give me a quick call to let me know? Ugh.
August 4, 2006
And of course, I had to go and get sick. I caught a cold from my dad. I'm kind of angry with him about it... He knew that my mom could get really, really sick if she caught it too, yet he still hung around Erik and I a whole lot. I mean, I could visit with him, but it would've been a good idea for not a whole weekend plus a Wednesday... I'm washing my hands and using sanitizer as often as I can. My mom is now at risk of bad pneumonia because of me.
I just now noticed the date. It's the 4th, soon to be the 5th, which means that time is going by quickly. My move-in date is on September 3rd, which means that it's less than a month away... I'm pretty terrified. There's a lot that I need to do before I go, and it seems like too much. I don't want to leave.
July 31, 2006
- My Oma's birthday.
- Steve's birthday.
- The end of the first half of our vacation.
- My mom's first day of chemo and radiation.
- Very cloudy.
My mom bought me a bunch of stuff for university for my birthday. I got this really nice hair dryer with a defuser (ahh, thank God!), a toothbrush and toothpaste (since we all share an electric toothbrush that you can just switch around the brush part), and a wireless printer. Although, I found out that you can use wireless anything in the dorms, and they get angry if you set up anything wireless. But my mom and I were very happy to find out that they included a USB cable in the box, just in case. I love it.
July 29, 2006
July 24, 2006
Yeah, it's a lot like MySpace, but this is nice because there's not emo 12-year-olds making comments with sixty exclamation marks that screw up your layout.
July 19, 2006
July 15, 2006
I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for an 8-hour shift at Brodie's. I couldn't eat. I cried while I rode my bike there. It was pathetic, really. The day dragged on and on. There was nothing good or memorable about that work day, but I was glad it was over.
I rode my bike home feeling a little more calm. I jumped into the shower, ate dinner, and rode my bike to Scarlett's house where a trailer party was going on. Danielle was leaving for Malta in a few days as well. It kind of felt like a goodbye party to me. We ate junk food and had fun. There was strip poker, but that ended in disaster. Closer to the end, Steve and I sat at the other side of the trailer from everyone else. We said something like a goodbye, and practically everyone was a witness to my first kiss.
The party ended late and everyone's parents took them home. It was a little depressing, but it was still fun. I survived the day, and I'd made it through.
Steve came home and my grandma beat her odds. She's still beating them two years later, even if she isn't in as good as shape as she was back then. Steve is still home too. Sometimes he talks about going back to Vietnam. Everytime he does, I desperately want to go with him. I think we both know that it's not something I'd really enjoy, but... it would be hard to say that goodbye again. It sounds silly.
It's funny, I can remember some dates so vividly. On our way back to Fort Erie, Steve mentioned just after midnight that it was the 15. I paused for a moment and said that it was a very difficult day, and we both sat for a moment and thought about it.
July 10, 2006
My dad ordered my laptop this morning and I was pretty surprised to hear that. He just bought him self this rather large plasma TV (don't get me wrong, that's exciting for me, too... video games and movies will be just amazing on that thing), and I assumed that my laptop would be delayed for the third time. He told me that he was only going to spend $800, but it turned out to be much more than that. He showed me the specs, and I'm excited because it'll be able to do a lot more than school work. It was really nice of him to spend so much more, and I'm feeling a little guilty that he's changed his mind on getting me to pay a small portion. Oh well, I'm greatful anyway.
The cancer centre has called twice now. Once for a concern about my mom taking antibiotics because the incision got infected a little, and once to talk about drug coverage. Both of the women were really nice on the phone, and weren't like telemarketers at all. I was kind of impressed. My mom went to work today and she's going again tomorrow. I think she really, really misses it. I'm so glad her boss is a great guy, too... he's taken her to several appointments and the initial scan that found the tumor. He's keeping her job safe for as long as it takes to get better.
July 6, 2006
July 2, 2006
June 29, 2006
Yesterday night, my dad took Steve and I to Mac for an acedemic councilling session where we got to ask questions about the courses we need to take for Science I. I'm feeling a lot better about university now. This morning I went though the course callendar and bookmarked and highlighted all the information on the classes I'm going to take. They all sound hard and scary, but at least I know what I have to expect. I'm glad Steve has decided what he wanted to do, as well. He seemed worried about getting into med school, but I think he's got his plan now.
I got a whole bunch of papers and a big course callendar book from that session, and they all have some pretty good details on what steps I need to take. There's a checklist, too. (♥ checklists) I spoke to the Astronomy profs, and one of them remembered me from the open house that was in May, which I thought was awesome. He'll be one of my profs, and he's really nice and helpful, so I'm happy about that. One of the others was a really nice woman who explained all the courses to me, and the other was this super-tall older guy that likes to learn about space by shooting lasers at stars. Hmmmm. (Scarlett, go to one of these sessions! I'm not sure when they have the radiation stuff, but the whole thing was really helpful. :D)
On the down-side, my work schedule is looking quite... sparse. They called me off today because there's absolutely no one there, and then I'm only working three days next week. Maybe it's because they're all 8-hour shifts, but... I need at least one more day. Money is good. D:
Anyway, that's my happy little update.
Can't wait for mom to get home.
June 26, 2006
The surgery was delayed because someone screwed up and forgot to do some sort of scan at the pre-op. They had to do it right before, and one everything was figured out, the surgery went on.
It took three hours, even though we were told it would take as long as four or five hours. Everything went perfectly. The surgeon was able to get all of the visable tumor out, and a scan just has to confirm if any cells remain. If it's cancer, it's a "low grade", meaning that it's either non-threatening, or hardly threatening. Of course, the biopsy has to confirm this first. They made the cut below her hairline, so they didn't need to get rid of any hair at all, which I think will make her happy.
We got to see her for only two minutes, and I screwed up those two minutes. She really wasn't as bad-looking as I assumed she would be. The cut was long and very fresh-looking (I don't know how else to describe it). We all held her hands and told her that we were here, and that she did great. She never opened her eyes or spoke, but she nodded. She nodded when they asked if she was in pain. On the side I stood on, my mom had a line into her neck as an alternative to an IV during surgery. It wasn't the incision that bothered me - when I saw that line in her neck, I practically fainted. I guess it wasn't a complete faint because I didn't fall over, but I certainly couldn't see or hear or stand up anymore. The nurse got really pissed when I said I felt faint. "That's exactly why we don't usually let people in here." Sorry lady, but I wanted to see my mother, who just had brain surgery. Screw off. She made us leave a little sooner that we would've had to.
Tomorrow we're going to see her in the morning. I hope I can talk to her... I really want her to know that I miss her and she did such a good job. I hope she's not in pain. I hope she's finally getting some sleep right now.
June 25, 2006
I've wanted to go out a lot lately. Normally I'm happiest just getting fat in front of my computer, but something keeps telling me to just go and leave. Somewhere. I don't know what. Unfortunately, I'm kind of trapped. My day of driving the Civic went well except for one moment, and now I'm not feeling so enthused about taking the car again. I want to really badly, but we'll see.
My mom's surgery is tomorrow morning. The whole situation is so surreal. My mom was saying today that she still feels like it's not her that it's happening to, it's another person. Tomorrow is going to be a terribly long day. Impatience, fear, and worry don't make time pass quickly. I have jobs tomorrow, too. I'm in charge of bringing my mom's bracelet to her that she really likes after the surgery. It's also my job to call the entire family once she's out of surgery. My cell phone battery has been iffy lately, and I hope it'll last the day if I'm using it constantly.
My oma and opa just had an arguement, while I was sitting here next to them, about going home. My oma says that she wants to stay for at least a week after my mom's surgery to make sure that we'll all be okay (mom's friends have already made up shifts to take her to her radiation therapy and anything else we need to get to), but my opa wants to leave ASAP. He says their house needs to be looked after. My mom's brother lives 10 minutes away from their house, I don't see why he can't take care of it...
June 22, 2006
Her surgery is scheduled for Monday morning.
But the stupid thing is, my mom can get there and they can tell her that there's no bed space, so they'd have to reschedule the surgery. How stupid. Let's just get it over with.
June 17, 2006
June 15, 2006
But my Opa said that if I want to go to school, it should be culinary school. I should be learning how to cook so I can get a husband and make him stay. Actually, I shouldn't even be worrying about school. I should be learning to cook at home.
I've worked too damn hard to just be a housewife. It's fine if others are comfortable with it, but I'm not. I don't want to become the woman who seeks approval through dinner. I want to earn things, I want to work at something I genuinely love and have interest in, and I want to have pride in myself, knowing that I've worked hard to get to where I'll be.
I grumbled about this to my mom. She told me that he went on and on about this to her when she was my age, too. What the hell is his problem?
It's nice that he's here with Oma to help around the house for a while, but I'm sick of being told what to be. I want to be me, not a wife.
This makes me want to never get married.
June 12, 2006
June 10, 2006
When my mom found out, she was given IV steriods to try to get the tumor to start shrinking, and the side effects still haven't completely worn off. The night she got those steriods, she could walk she was so dizzy. The next morning she only got dizzy if she moved her head, so she spent the entire day on the couch. She was really bored. This morning she went and sat out in the sun, and I was happy to see that my mom was a little better. She says she still feels nautious though.
She has to take a bunch of medication for about a week and half, then they'll do another scan to see if the tumor got smaller. If it does, then they're just going to do a biopsy to find out what it is exactly. If it's still the same, then it needs to immediately come out and they'll biopsy it after it's out. My mom is sad that half of her head will be shaved, but the scar will be cool. It'll be going from the front of her head to the back. I guess the scar is how I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Either way, she needs radiation therapy after.
My mom can't drive because of the dizziness, so we feel kind of trapped. I feel awful that I never tried harder to learn to drive the Civic.
My mom's boss and his wife have been here every day to look after her and keep her entertained. We haven't been able to buy groceries in two weeks, but they bring us food. They skipped their trip to New York to take care of my mom. My Oma and Opa are arriving today, but I'm not sure how long they're stying. They're going to cook and clean for my mom while she gets better.
It's been really hard. My mom doesn't really like people to worry over her, but we have to. She will probably be in for surgery during exam week. I've had very little sleep over the past few days, and I can only imagine that it's worse for her. I'm terrified. I keep telling myself that, whatever is in her brain, she's going to beat it. But sometimes you wonder what's going to happen. There's lots of people here to look after her, and the doctors are doing their best... I know. But it's still really hard.
Prom was a good escape, but towards to end of the night I had this horrible guilt in me that kept saying, "How can you be here dancing when mom is feeling crappy on the couch?" I went home a bit early to see that she was waiting up for me. Steve and I hung around with her until she went to bed, and then Steve slept over.
June 5, 2006
By the way, Damien's phone number is 6661, which is just too awesome.
Tomorrow is also the due-date for all university stuff. I'm glad I'm all done with that. Hopefully everyone has accepted and paid what they had to. :)
June 4, 2006
I've always had this fear of not being able to relax, though. It probably comes from the fact that I relax too often. But it's the same with school... I'm terrified of my life becoming purely university next year. I want to have fun, to be able to sit by myself or with my friends. Maybe it's the same way with work. I'm afraid that I'm going to be spending all this time just cooking fries.
But I got a paycheque today. That was nice.
I'm weird. With the hours that I'm working, there's no way my life would just be cooking fries. And I'm always worried about Steve and I having stupid hours and having trouble seeing each other, but in the back of my head I know that won't happen. Which brings me to my next thought about working full-time next summer, or else I'll starve. And the dilemma of wanting to work during school so that I'm not calling my mom for money every so often. But can I deal with that?
I made a calendar website that has my hours and Erik's hours on there. It's mostly for my family to use so that they can plan things around us working (that always causes trouble for them, and when I tell them hours, they forget 5 minutes later). If you guys want to use it for whatever reason, go ahead. The link is to the right. It's not a pretty calendar, but it does its job.
June 1, 2006
I keep reading my organizer and it makes me feel small. There's so many things written down on there, and an even longer list in my head. There's so many things to do, and I'm just one small girl. I want to tell myself that there's just three weeks left, but that makes me feel smaller.
Summer is coming.
May 30, 2006
May 29, 2006
May 19, 2006
Here are some of them that I looked at and liked:
Were we really so bad together?
Help my brother
Like birds flying
It sounds too much like me.
I find things like this and PostSecret absolutely fascinating. People are fascinating. Take a look at both, everyone can appriciate this kind of thing.
May 16, 2006
May 14, 2006
I found the dress right before we had to go home and pick up Erik from volenteering, so I didn't have time to get shoes or a necklace or anything like that. I'm hoping that someone still needs to do that so I can leave my mom alone now. She hates shopping. :)
May 12, 2006
I don't care that it takes two ninja to screw in a light bulb; I especially don't care that the trick is getting them inside.
Likewise, I certainly did not need to know that it takes one person from Treant to screw in a light bulb and two more to defend its sexual orientation. (Thank you, post-secondary educational competition, for that lovely and quite tasteful anecdote.)
I think these jokes have so much potential that's just wasted on lame attempts to mock groups of people. Am I the only one that realizes the immense power that we have?
Steve: Hey, Jim, how many E. Coli bacteria, such as those that brought about the Walkerton epidemic, does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Jim: Gee, Steve, that's a tough one.
Steve: The answer is that it doesn't matter because if they are allowed to fester and grow in our filth, infecting our resources, their numbers will astranomical. Given infinite resources, one E.Coli cell could replicate enough times in 24 hours to cover the Earth to a depth of 1 metre.
Jim: ...Oh, wow. That's really frightening. I guess I better take this lesson to heart and realize what a precious commodity clean water is. Thanks, Steve - you really opened my eyes.
See what I mean? We have a tool to raise awareness, and not just about lesbians.
May 11, 2006
I've written down new goals, all of them obtainable and possible. ...Well, they're basically the same as always, but I wrote them down again. I really want to do this, and I really should do this. It's good for me. And I want to look good in my prom dress. And my bathing suit. And fit back into my clothes...
Grr, why can't I stick to it?
Other than that little thing, I'm sick. I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, and I got worse through the day. By last period, I started to feel tired and generally not well. Good thing it was my spare. Julie took me home a little early. I crashed on the couch and have been deteriorating since. I haven't feel like this in a while, and it sucks. I really don't want to miss school, because it's so hard to catch up again... especially if you're having trouble when you're there already.
Bleh. Who passed on this cold-thing to me anyway? I can't think of anyone who is sick right now. Hmm.
May 10, 2006
Not only do I not understand anything that has to do with my "future career" (but that is going to have to change, I just don't know to what), but the stress will eat me alive.
I'm getting incedibly stressed over 6 physics questions. What am I supposed to do?
May 7, 2006
Well, the end of this week was awful for eating right and getting exercise, and I was surprised when I randomly jumped on the scale on Friday... it went down. But then I jumped on it again a few minutes ago and it wasn't so good anymore.
There really isn't an excuse for it. At my dad's there's tons of junk there, and not much good stuff, so it's a little unavoidable. And I'm lazy there. I don't really believe that you can gain a few pounds over a day and a half, and that if I were to weigh myself again tomorrow, it'd go down again.
Basically, I'm not good with motivating myself to sticking with it. I can do it for a few days, but then it falls apart. I eat good things, but too much of it, and maybe I don't move enough.
So I'm trying to find new motivation. I think I'll hang bathing suit up somewhere visable in my room (I was having trouble actually remembering to make myself a schedual for food to help out, and hanging the papers next to my bed helped immensely), and think about prom a lot. Right now I just want to lose weight because, well, I'm just at the overweight mark for my height, and I don't want to be. But if I keep my health in mind and then remind myself that I want to look great for prom and the summer, maybe it'll improve?
May 5, 2006
Having the car to myself was awsome. That kind of freedom is really nice to have.
May 1, 2006
Today I was so disappointed by my chemistry test that I got back. I thought I studied really hard. I tried my very best to do well on that test. I made a great review sheet. Yet... I ended up with a 68%. For the amount of time that I spent trying to understand it all, that's not what I diserve. I want a rewrite, but I know that it'll never happen.
I'm terrified of the physics test tomorrow. I just can't seem to wrap my head around that unit... it doesn't make sense to me. Once I feel like I finally understand something, a new concept shows up and completly thorws off what I thought I understood. Last night I kept telling myself that it'll be okay and I just need to work hard. I'm hoping that it's true.
Eating well is going well today, too. I ate a good breakfast and a good lunch. I really want to eat something now, though. It's just out of habit, and I'm not actually hungry. The after school snack - curse you! I'll make it, though.
April 29, 2006
I can't say I stuck very close to my "diet", but I got a ton of exercise today, and I was careful with what I ate. It wasn't all healthy, but I only took a little. I don't feel bad about it at all, heheh. Aaron is right, it's so much easier to do during the week because there's a schedual. Oh well, it'll work out.
April 28, 2006
Blog and mom to the rescue?
My mom is going to help me keep closer track of my dinners. They need to be measured, or else it really doesn't work well.
And if I write in here every day about how I'm doing, then I think it will definitely help keep me focused. With me, there's something about seeing things in writing that really helps my brain. I kind of miss LiveJournal cuts now... Not everyone wants to read about any weight loss progress/fall-backs! ;) So I guess if it bores you (and you actually enjoy reading this otherwise), just skip over it.
So starting tomorrow - since I've eaten everything that I'm going to be eating today - I'll keep much closer track. I think that eventually I'll get the hang of it and it'll become more of a habit. Random fact!: On average, you need to complete the same task about 20 times before it is programmed as a habit in your brain. I just think that's interesting.
Aaron Tait! You've inspired me. Keep up the good work! Just sticking to it works, right? :)
April 26, 2006
I don't think I'll be an astronomer. If I can't do the basic things now, how much hope is there? I really want that job... it's so interesting. But it seems like I'm not capable. I'm trying, but it isn't good enough.
The only reason I'm in the 80s is because of group-work. The majority of my tests have been in the 70s.
April 24, 2006
I honestly think that my grades aren't high enough for their Science program.
But if I hadn't already recieved an acceptance from McMaster, I would feel doomed right now. Still, at the moment, I do feel a little... defeated.
April 23, 2006
April 20, 2006
April 17, 2006
- If you love your boy/girlfriend, just tell him/her. If I know that you're dating, I'm pretty sure it's a given that you care.
- Emo lyrics are boring. In the eternal words of Jamie: "World's Smallest Violin."
- Just use regular Roman characters... if I have to spend more than 15 seconds trying to figure out what numbers/symbols represent what letters, I get annoyed.
- Setting your MSN name to "Leave me alone" and being online is just stupid. Want to be left alone? Appear offline. MSN has this handy thing called offline messages if you want to look offline but you can still chat.
- "Woe is me, no one cares..." Ugh! This is just asking for someone to come tottering along and ask you what's wrong. And then you'll say, "Grr, nothing!" At that point you should look at yourself, say "Oh," and then get rid of that stupid thing in your name.
- Random punctuation... '}~ WTF?
- "Styrafoam purse buggy! lolololololol Jen & Bob" Okay, so here's what you do. Wait for Jen and Bob to log in, THEN tell them that personally. You see, inside jokes aren't funny to the fifty-eight other people on your list, so they just don't care.
- Links that you can't even copy & paste without getting the person to talk to you, that take up your entire browser line...
- I really hate reading all of this two hundred times in a chat.
Reasons why the Personal Message feature is so awesome:
- You can put all of your quotes, shout-outs, crazy symbols, and emo things in here, and it won't take up four lines of our chat, every time you send me a message.
- I can make my MSN window narrow enough to completely hide most of these things from view.
- It's just so much cleaner and more organized.
Yeah, I've been guilty of at least two of these things, but I now realize the err of my ways.
Edit: If your MSN name contains one of these things, I don't hate you! It's your name and you can do what you want with it. This is just a personal pet peeve of mine... we all have them.
April 9, 2006
Erik got majorly spoiled by my dad for his birthday, and I can't help but feel a little jealous. (My dad said that my brother was spoiled because I was spoiled for my 16th birthday - I think I got a flat iron for my hair, but that's hardly being spoiled, hmm...) Erik was given some pretty awesome computer parts, but my dad was too cheap to get the store to put the computer all together, so it became a project of doom. Erik put it together twice, but never got anything but the fans to work. Thanks to my dad's cheapness, Erik won't have a computer at all for almost a week because it needs to sit in the store "being worked on." Why do stores do that? It doesn't take a week to look inside and say, "Oh, there's the problem."
Since my weight loss efforts are failing, I sat down and re-evalutated my goals. It's going to take some major disipline, but it's all very possible.
- No more buying crap from the cafeteria. Crap meaning candy and chips, even if I can get it to fit in with my points. If I do need to buy lunch there, it will definately be sensible.
- Exercising doesn't mean I get to have a little more to eat. That just defeats to whole purpose!
- Snacks should be as healthy as possible. Fruit is good, and tasty. Mmm, fruit.
- Curse you Weight Watchers, for adding FlexPoints. As great as they are to have, I'm going to use them very sparingly.
Yeah, I think that'll do. I really think that after writing these down and really being able to see them, it'll definately help.
And now, Physics homework...
March 19, 2006
This morning I started to make a layout for this blog, that actually had to do something with fabric. I found this beautiful picture of a piece of orange fabric, and I pretty much fell in love with it. I stretched it out to a banner size... and then I got distracted. Now that I've written about it, I'm inspired to keep going.
I'm sitting here with a binder full of lined paper and a cheap blue pen, waiting for the right words to come to me. These are my tools of my trade. Before I found this binder, I went through my big binder of things I've written since I was about 11 years old. It's funny to see how much your writing has changed over the years. It's also funny to see how I've struggled with writing the same idea for almost 7 years.
March 17, 2006
Today he told a story completely wrong, and I remember it perfectly. He wasn't there, I don't think. Today I finally corrected every bit that was wrong, and he stumbled along, trying to fix up his broken version. As evil as it might sound, it felt good to do that to him.
Sometimes it feels like they're all lies. Like he's trying to make himself into some wonderful parent that charished every moment. Sometimes, more than anything else, I want him to feel like he did screw up, because that's what he did.
March 6, 2006
Lately I've been playing more FFXI. It's fun to become someone who isn't really you, but more of... an extension of you. It's fun to become musically inclined in one moment, then decide that you want to be strong and take a spot in the front lines the next. It's nice to be someone who your friends come to for help, and it's nice to appear successful.
March 5, 2006
I used to be someone that you could go to with your questions, but not anymore.
It just makes me feel ...
I don't know what that feeling is, but it's negative.
February 20, 2006
In these past two years, I learned about people. I learned that there is one person out there that has the ability to completely restore your faith in all people. I learned that there is someone who will always believe in you, even if you're not heading in the right direction. There is someone out there that sees true beauty in your flaws, but can still appreciate what you like about yourself. I learned that this person can amaze and surprise you every day, and it could never become redundant. This person can make anything feel better, no matter what.
Sometimes these things seem so unreal or impossible. But in these past two years, I learned that it's all true.
And above all, I learned that I am capable of these exact things.
I love you, darling, with all my heart.
February 13, 2006
February 12, 2006
Even if I do have someone to celebrate it with, I still don't like that day. It confuses me.
February 7, 2006
I'm feeling defeated so often now. I keep thinking that I must've been kidding myself when I thought I was capable of all of these things. Sometimes it's bad to have too much faith in yourself, because it doesn't help anything along. I really think that I'm trying, but my trying isn't good enough, and sometimes it can't be helped.
Giving up isn't something I do, but my options are running low.
February 3, 2006
January 31, 2006
January 29, 2006
It's not that I had trouble with them, I'm just happy that they're out of the way.
Nothing new has really happened to me. I don't have any extravagant opinions about the world nor do I have anything really nifty to post. Kaitlin bugged me to update so now I've done it.
Biology and Calculus left and then we'll start the new semester. I'm sure I'll ace biology and I'm really confident about calculus now that I have a cheat-sheet.
January 27, 2006
I looked through the Science booklet for McMaster, and it says nothing about English courses. Joy!
I planned on studying this afternoon so I could enjoy the evening. Erm... it never happened. I keep pushing it back. I'm so lazy. I really want to do well, but how can I if I keep doing this? Can I afford to take Friday off? I want to. I should try to plan this out.
I still need to finish that Queen's PSE. I hate that thing. I'm not a community leader, or a community anything. I don't understand what it has to do with being an astronomer. Meh, I don't think I'm getting in there anyway.
I have fencing tomorrow. I'm having a horrible time remembering the names of all the parries, which makes line-up not so fun. I remember vaugely how to do all of them, but it doesn't help. I don't like how the class I'm in doesn't really go over how to do things, or even really goes into fine-tuning any skills, which seems odd of a class that's just out of the beginner classes. It's still fun, but that part gets frustrating.
I spent a lot of the day sleeping, playing video games, and hanging out with Sue - we ate bad things and watched Sailor Moon. We enjoyed the, "*whip craking* Professor!!", and "Star Gentle Uterus!". Good times.
January 23, 2006
I don't care enough about calculus. I really should. In class, I really care. I get so angry and frustrated with myself, knowing that I can't see what everyone else appears to easily be able to. The last two units have been somewhat of a trainwreck for me, and I have all of these plans to really get on back on track with calculus. Umm... that wasn't meant to be a pun. I have all of my books sitting beside me, because I want to catch up. HA! Yesterday I opened my textbook, looked at what I needed to be doing, promptly closed it, and used my books as a footrest.
World History... how I loath thee. I'm going to try to convince Shaubel to let me do everything on the computer, because I really don't feel like taking the time to cut and paste things for a time line. Does anyone else think that's sort of childish?
So much to do, yet I sit here blogging, and watching Sailor Moon, and election things, and thinking about eating ice cream... I'll surely run out of time for everything.
Ack, why can't I get started on this calculus? Why why why? Where the eff is my motivation?