Today Is...

• My Oma's birthday.
• Steve's birthday.
• The end of the first half of our vacation.
• My mom's first day of chemo and radiation.
• Very cloudy.

My mom bought me a bunch of stuff for university for my birthday. I got this really nice hair dryer with a defuser (ahh, thank God!), a toothbrush and toothpaste (since we all share an electric toothbrush that you can just switch around the brush part), and a wireless printer. Although, I found out that you can use wireless anything in the dorms, and they get angry if you set up anything wireless. But my mom and I were very happy to find out that they included a USB cable in the box, just in case. I love it.

Moving On

Today I learned where my new home will be. I'm living in Hedden Hall with a girl named Michelle. Scarlett and I are in the same building. Steve is living in Brandon Hall, and it looks like they're almost right next to each other. I move out on September third.

Profile

I got a Facebook profile in hopes of meeting some people from Mac and from my program, because Mac's forums suck. I think it'd be nice to make some friends or at least be aware of some people before I move there. Unfortunately, my program doesn't look that popular on there...

Yeah, it's a lot like MySpace, but this is nice because there's not emo 12-year-olds making comments with sixty exclamation marks that screw up your layout.

An apology

I'm sorry I never took more initiative to make sure that you'd all like me more. I didn't try hard enough to get closer to all of you, or to share in your interests. I regret it. My summer is lonely and I feel like I'm wasting away. I'm sorry for everything that I've complicated and ruined. I never meant anything to turn out that way, but I guess everything I've done has turned in that direction. I only wish that I could change me so that I'd have my friends back. I'd change with everything else that has, so I'd still be with all of you. I love you all and miss you all a lot. I'm sorry for it all.

Ugh.

Tonight, I got to stay home and play Pokemon by myself. I'm getting tired of this. I wish I were 'normal' and could have fun like everyone else.

Two Years Ago

July 15, 2004 was a hard day. I woke up and cried hard because everything was happening all at once - my Grandmother had been diagnosed with cancer in three different places six months ago, and July was the month they gave her until; and Steve was to fly to Vietnam for five weeks the next day.

I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for an 8-hour shift at Brodie's. I couldn't eat. I cried while I rode my bike there. It was pathetic, really. The day dragged on and on. There was nothing good or memorable about that work day, but I was glad it was over.

I rode my bike home feeling a little more calm. I jumped into the shower, ate dinner, and rode my bike to Scarlett's house where a trailer party was going on. Danielle was leaving for Malta in a few days as well. It kind of felt like a goodbye party to me. We ate junk food and had fun. There was strip poker, but that ended in disaster. Closer to the end, Steve and I sat at the other side of the trailer from everyone else. We said something like a goodbye, and practically everyone was a witness to my first kiss.

The party ended late and everyone's parents took them home. It was a little depressing, but it was still fun. I survived the day, and I'd made it through.

Steve came home and my grandma beat her odds. She's still beating them two years later, even if she isn't in as good as shape as she was back then. Steve is still home too. Sometimes he talks about going back to Vietnam. Everytime he does, I desperately want to go with him. I think we both know that it's not something I'd really enjoy, but... it would be hard to say that goodbye again. It sounds silly.

It's funny, I can remember some dates so vividly. On our way back to Fort Erie, Steve mentioned just after midnight that it was the 15. I paused for a moment and said that it was a very difficult day, and we both sat for a moment and thought about it.

Surprises and Concerns

I'm getting concerned that I'm going to make next-to-no money this summer. My hours are getting few and far between, and it seems like the summer is producing more bad weather than usual. I'm on call again. Considering that I was supposed to start at 11:30 and it's now 11:35, I'm not confident that I'll be working today. On-call lasts until 1:00 for both Erik and I. Erik is absolutely hating his job and is loving this on-call thing, but I need some money. I've already asked for at least 4 days of work (we hired another girl this year, so there's fewer hours for everyone), but I guess my boss is having some trouble fitting it in. There's been a few 4-day weeks though.

My dad ordered my laptop this morning and I was pretty surprised to hear that. He just bought him self this rather large plasma TV (don't get me wrong, that's exciting for me, too... video games and movies will be just amazing on that thing), and I assumed that my laptop would be delayed for the third time. He told me that he was only going to spend $800, but it turned out to be much more than that. He showed me the specs, and I'm excited because it'll be able to do a lot more than school work. It was really nice of him to spend so much more, and I'm feeling a little guilty that he's changed his mind on getting me to pay a small portion. Oh well, I'm greatful anyway.

The cancer centre has called twice now. Once for a concern about my mom taking antibiotics because the incision got infected a little, and once to talk about drug coverage. Both of the women were really nice on the phone, and weren't like telemarketers at all. I was kind of impressed. My mom went to work today and she's going again tomorrow. I think she really, really misses it. I'm so glad her boss is a great guy, too... he's taken her to several appointments and the initial scan that found the tumor. He's keeping her job safe for as long as it takes to get better.

There was a meeting today and the doctors told her what it is. My mom has brain cancer. She'll start radiation and chemotherapy in about two weeks. With the radiation, they can't guarantee that her hair will ever grow back at the front of her head. Radiation will last six weeks, and chemo for at least a year.

My mom is feeling a lot better, every day.

Things are looking up, but I'm definitely ready for my Oma and Opa to go home now.