Survived

I survived the week from hell.

This past week was one of the most stressful weeks I've ever been through.  On Monday I had two exams, Tuesday another exam, and on Thursday one more.  It would've been completely doable if they had just had been different exams.  I really think that I could've done a whole lot better if it were, say, testing instead of graphics.

But now it's over.  I still have two exams left, but my next one isn't until next Thursday.  Plenty of time to recuperate and study.

I took the day off today.  I restocked on groceries, vacuumed the top floor, main floor, and all of the stairs, reformatted my laptop, and played some FFXI (of course).  I'm going home tomorrow and returning on Sunday, and then getting back to it.   I'm really looking forward to spending time with my mom and recharging my batteries.  I think I deserve it.

Stress

How can you tell that you're stressed about exams?  You dream about it.

The dream I had was kind of weird.  It wasn't your typical sleeping-though-your-alarm-and-missing-your-exam dream.  I dreamt that I was awake and fully aware that I had an exam then, but I just didn't go.  For some reason I remember looking at the clock and noticing that it was 3:00, and then beginning to feel guilty for not going to the exam.  I woke up in a panic, only to realize it was Friday and that there was nothing to worry about.

Until I remembered that exams are coming up, and this coming week is awful.  Once Thursday is over, everything is going to be so much better.

June is Hot.

I got contacts two days ago, and I really like them. Being able to see all of the time is fun. Being able to wear whatever sunglasses you want is fun. For a while it felt like I had eyelashes in my eyes, but now I'm getting used to them.

I wrote my last exam yesterday - semester 2 calculus. I think I'm going to be taking that class again. I needed a 54% on the exam to get a 50% in the class. Calc was really, really hard for me. I guess if I need to take it again, there's not much I can do. Oh well.

It's extremely hot and sticky outside and I'm stuck at work. The fan they have in here is the most useless fan in the world. Luckily I have only two hours left on this shift, then I can go back to my nice air conditioned house, and take a shower to get un-sticky. Yuck.

I'm actually starting to get a tan from biking to and from work, and my hair is getting much more blond. Unfortunately, it's a farmer's tan, and my legs are still really white because today it the first day I've been brave enough to ware shorts. (I gained a lot of weight at school, but I'm steadily losing it - I've lost very close to 10lbs. so far.) My birth mark is also getting really dark, and I'm surprised no one has told me that I have "chocolate on my face".

I'd really like to go swimming.

My grandma died of brain cancer last weekend. I really thought I was okay for a while, and that I could handle it. Today I'm supposed to have my calculus exam at 9:00-12:00, and then leave immediately for the funeral. My studying was going fairly well and I thought that I was managing. I was understanding things I hadn't before.

Then I had a huge breakdown in a realization of what had actually happened. I kept thinking how I had to go to a funeral. I kept thinking of how I'd be thinking about this funeral all through the exam. I don't think I've cried so hard before. I've never lost anyone and I've never been to a funeral. I'm glad that the last thing we said to each other was that we loved each other, even though she had a lot of difficulty saying it.

I called my dad at midnight and told him that I couldn't deal with all of this. He and I decided that it might be best to defer this exam, even if it is last minute. I honestly thought I could do it, but I just can't. My dad and I talked for a while about the things that we remembered and the pictures he's found. He's making some sort of presentation for the funeral, and he said that he's found lots of pictures of her and I together.

I honestly can't believe that this didn't hit me as hard as it did sooner. I don't really understand it. I can't believe the timing that my entire year has had. It's all been really weird and sad. I don't know why I didn't vent as much as I needed to until now.

Once this day is over, I'll be okay. I'll be able to sleep and relax a little. Soon I'll be going home and it'll get better.

I just hope I'm making the right move with this exam. I have mixed feeling about it. But right now I need to sleep and get on with this day.