Difficult

On Thursday, June 8th, my mom was told that she has a relatively large tumor in her left frontal lobe. Everyone is trying hard to grasp the fact that my mom now has a brain tumor, and it's sinking in at much different levelsfor everyone. I didn't cry until the next morning, when I just couldn't stand it anymore. My brother has just been acting deadpan, and that worries me. My dad is upset, and he and I are trying really hard to look after her.

When my mom found out, she was given IV steriods to try to get the tumor to start shrinking, and the side effects still haven't completely worn off. The night she got those steriods, she could walk she was so dizzy. The next morning she only got dizzy if she moved her head, so she spent the entire day on the couch. She was really bored. This morning she went and sat out in the sun, and I was happy to see that my mom was a little better. She says she still feels nautious though.

She has to take a bunch of medication for about a week and half, then they'll do another scan to see if the tumor got smaller. If it does, then they're just going to do a biopsy to find out what it is exactly. If it's still the same, then it needs to immediately come out and they'll biopsy it after it's out. My mom is sad that half of her head will be shaved, but the scar will be cool. It'll be going from the front of her head to the back. I guess the scar is how I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Either way, she needs radiation therapy after.

My mom can't drive because of the dizziness, so we feel kind of trapped. I feel awful that I never tried harder to learn to drive the Civic.

My mom's boss and his wife have been here every day to look after her and keep her entertained. We haven't been able to buy groceries in two weeks, but they bring us food. They skipped their trip to New York to take care of my mom. My Oma and Opa are arriving today, but I'm not sure how long they're stying. They're going to cook and clean for my mom while she gets better.

It's been really hard. My mom doesn't really like people to worry over her, but we have to. She will probably be in for surgery during exam week. I've had very little sleep over the past few days, and I can only imagine that it's worse for her. I'm terrified. I keep telling myself that, whatever is in her brain, she's going to beat it. But sometimes you wonder what's going to happen. There's lots of people here to look after her, and the doctors are doing their best... I know. But it's still really hard.

Prom was a good escape, but towards to end of the night I had this horrible guilt in me that kept saying, "How can you be here dancing when mom is feeling crappy on the couch?" I went home a bit early to see that she was waiting up for me. Steve and I hung around with her until she went to bed, and then Steve slept over.